A New Hope
by bonnysammy
Summary: My Canon Tour entry.   Bella was thrust into a life she never wanted after a stranger tore her away from all she knew.  Desperate for something different, but afraid of how to start, she stayed with him. Will she find hope of something better? Twi AU
1. Chapter 1

A\N:

It was brought to my attention that there was a paragraph without ANY spaces in my first posting. That has been revised and I am reposting. Thanks, everyone. :D

Much love to my beta, Shasta. She was so kind to take this on. Thanks, dear.

This was my entry to The Canon Tour's Twilight Round. I had fun writing it and hope you enjoy. Thanks so much for giving it a chance and reading. To see all the other stories, please go to: their Twitter account (TheCanonTour) or their website **bit . ly / canon-tour** (remove the spaces). There are some amazing stories there.

Congrats to the winners.

Also, I want to thanks solar for highlighting Canon/AU stories. Though I enjoy a good AH story, I really love the AU/Canon ones.

I do not own any of these characters, or the original plot to the Twilight Series. Everything publicly recognizable belongs to their owners. I am doing this only for the pleasure I gain from writing and I am not associated with anyone or anything to do with the Twilight Series.

* * *

><p>Miserable.<p>

Despondent.

Hopeless.

Me.

We'd been wandering forever—well, at least since I'd "woken up" . . . ages ago. Not that it really mattered anyway. It wasn't like I got tired or achy . . . or anything but thirsty, a constant, nagging, burning thirst. This pain had been with me since the other, more torturous, scorching had stopped. What I experienced now was a never ending reminder, an echo of that burn.

"This is the way it is; suck it up." James was always _so_ kind, a _true_ leader. The creature that had stolen my life, my creator of sorts—how I hated calling him that—had told me that the pain was to be expected and the only way to quench it was to feed . . .

But I didn't want to think about that. Of all the things that disgusted me about my current situation, killing was the worst. What kind of vile monster not only fed off, but murdered the creature they used to be? It was all a little too cannibalistic for my taste. Of course, when the instinct took control, there was nothing I could do to fight; I was powerless. This was true especially when "the bastard," as I called my sire in my mind, taunted me with freshly spilled blood. It seemed that no matter how I tried, my willpower always laid tattered at my feet alongside the beaten and torn body left in my wake. Guilt followed every time, as omnipresent as the thirst.

But I had no other choice; I had no other option but to follow the filthy brown-haired male and his two cohorts. It wasn't like I could return home. That wasn't safe. There was always the possibility I could lose control if I went too close to humanity. So I followed the three monsters, trusting them to keep me on the fringe, close enough to feed, but far enough that I didn't risk slaughtering entire towns, all the while becoming more culpable as each day passed.

I was isolated, beyond lonely. Though I had companions, they certainly couldn't be considered friends. It was more a relationship of convenience. In my hope to never be like _them_, I kept as far away as possible without bringing attention to the fact that I refused to join them, especially in their sadistic habit of playing with their _food_. As a result, I was constantly on edge, never relaxing as I ostracized myself.

It was in this manner that I survived the first few months of my new life—if it could be called that. To me it felt more like existing, a limbo where I was pulled closer to hell with each action, each mortal sin.

In addition to the hunger that now ruled my life, I was an emotional wreck. From what I could remember, I hadn't been like this before. As I sifted through the blurry, hazy bits and pieces that once were my life, I was able to come to one conclusion. I had been a fairly calm and even-tempered person, boring even. I was never one to rock the boat, so to speak, instead choosing to let others have their way while I sat quietly and happily in the background, blending in with the walls.

Now I was nothing like that. Instead, I was constantly anxious, especially with the red-headed bitch around. She had it in for me, and I knew it. She probably thought I wanted her _mate_. But honestly, if I could have left, I would have. I wanted nothing to do with any of them. We were together because it was the only way for me to survive . . . that was it.

I longed for my old life, safe with my mom and her soon-to-be husband—they were probably married by now—both of whom I could no longer picture. Their faces were lost to a time when I was happy . . . human. I knew I'd looked like her prior to my change, but I hadn't seen myself since, and I refused to look at anything reflective, fearing that everything about the real me had been taken, even my face. Everything else seemed to have changed, even down to my voice—maybe I was already in hell, rather than purgatory waiting for the inevitable fall.

So I spent my new existence yearning for lost humanity—something that lingered just on the periphery of my understanding. And that hurt most of all. I could no longer fully comprehend the weaker creatures. As I watched them die time after time, I realized I couldn't find it in me to relate to them. They were too foreign, too different. I didn't know how that has come to pass, especially so quickly, but pass it did.

With that final realization, everything I had been was ripped from me. I was nothing but a shell with no possibility of regaining myself. That realization hurt more than anything else . . . more than even the fire that had created me.

It was with the usual despondency that I found myself in a forest somewhere on the northern West Coast. It was damp here, constantly overcast, which meant less sun. As a result, he said we were able to stay longer. I liked that idea. Though it was nothing like my hometown in Arizona, it felt comfortable, familiar. There was something that drew me to this place, even if I couldn't place what.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could almost make out two men, one pale with dark hair, the other russet skinned with long black hair, fishing on a boat. In my mind, I liked to pretend that the pale one would turn to me and smile, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners. Somehow, it seemed that this area, as well as the man's smile meant one thing: home.

Even though I'd only been traveling around for a short time compared to my creator and his gang, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I liked familiarity and steadiness. It was yet another thing I'd brought with me even as the real memories faded from existence. I wanted a place to settle, a place I could call home, at least for more than a few days even if eternity wasn't possible. A month would be welcome, a year bliss.

We had already spent around a week in the area—much longer than usual. James, my maker, had become bored of the region and was eager to leave, to go to a more _populated_locale. We were making our way through the greenery, leaving, when we'd heard loud crashes and something that sounded like wood breaking.

I looked to James, knowing that he would want to investigate. As I expected, his expression was highly curious, his body crouched in the direction of the sound.

"Shall we?" he asked the bitch—Victoria—then slicked his dirty brown hair back into a loose ponytail and tied it with a leather string he'd taken from one of our first victims in this area.

She nodded, tossing her flame red hair over her shoulder. How I wished it was fire. According to James, fire was the only thing to end our existence—the only thing to purify this world from the abomination we were. I longed to throw myself upon a pyre, but I feared the final outcome if I did. What was left for me after I'd killed so many people? Yet by existing I was fated to murder more. Which was worse?

I turned my thoughts away from that thought and back to the situation at hand. Victoria. She was _with_ James, his mate—I got to hear how _with_ each other they were nightly. How had I found such awful mentors? Or rather, how had they found me?

Predictably, I was thrust back into the one of my human memories that was actually fairly vivid, my last human memory.

_It was just past mid-September in Phoenix. Though the air was never cold—people bundled up when the thermometer read seventy—there was a chill that natives could feel, something signifying that the Arizona Autumn was coming. It was barely after my birthday, one of the few things I remembered with certainty, so I was only just seventeen._

_I had gathered something from the store near my house. I couldn't quite remember what I had picked up, but I knew it was something for my mom and Phil's upcoming wedding. I'd gone later than I had meant to, and the sky was already growing dark when I left, the sun having set a while before. It'd be black out by the time I got home._

"_Um, hi," I greeted a man just outside the door; I'd nearly tripped over him. His hair was down and though it wasn't terribly long, due to the angle of his head, it still covered his face, so I couldn't distinguish his features. I'd nearly walked right into him, which was strange since I hadn't seen him through the window when I opened the door._

"_Hello," he responded, turning his grimy head so I could just make out his shiny, white teeth. A shiver went down my spine, and my heart rate picked up. I didn't understand my unease, but I noticed the man's grin widen, a more malicious display than before._

_In an attempt to get away without seeming rude, I nodded and forced a smile. "Have a nice night."_

"_I will," he said through laughter. Though he was odd, his voice was very melodic, very alluring. It made me feel even more nervous._

_I rushed away, pushing thoughts of the creepy, strange man out of my mind. Instead I turned my mind to other more disturbing thoughts as I walked the nearly empty streets towards my home. Thoughts about my near future and where I'd live sidetracked me. In hindsight, I should have paid more attention to my surroundings—not that it would've helped. Instead I indulged my distraction._

_My mom was always so depressed when Phil left to travel for work. If I went to stay with my dad, she'd be able to go with Phil. It wasn't what I wanted, but I knew it would make my mom happy. Besides, I was young. I'd have my shot at happiness once I was on my own. And she had given up so much for me. Couldn't I do this one thing for her?_

_Just as I turned onto my street, I heard a noise behind me. I turned, surprised to see no one there. Maybe it'd been someone popping out to place an object in the trash or something similar. Maybe it had been someone's pet wandering around. Maybe it was only my imagination. I wasn't frightened. My neighborhood was fairly safe, so I didn't expect anything dangerous._

_After turning and walking a few more steps, something grabbed me from behind. Suddenly, everything blurred and wind blew in my face. I had no idea what was happening as I bounced atop a hard, stone like object, bruises no doubt forming. After a few minutes, I landed on the ground, and I could finally focus on my surroundings. I was lying in a sandy area with scrubby brush all around—the desert. I wondered how I'd gotten there so quickly._

"_So we meet again, girl," a man's voice said. I turned around to see the same filthy hair I had seen moments before outside the door of the store I'd just visited._

"_Wh-who are you?" I asked stupidly._

"_Always the same inane questions," he mocked, looking at his fingernails. "I'd have thought you humans could come up with something new by now. How boring."_

"_What are y-you going to d-do with me?"_

"_Nope, still nothing new." He turned to me and had his face in mine a split second later._

"_What the hell!" I screamed. "What—"_

"_Am I?" he finished. "So predictable." He sounded almost bored, quite the contradiction to the fear flooding my senses._

"_Are you going to k-kill me?"_

_He nodded._

_My body reacted normally, fight or flight kicking in. Even though I was petrified, I decided to flee—with his size, there was no way I'd be able to fight this guy. I took off toward the lights I could see in the distance—they had to mean humanity._

_As I expected, he was in front of me in moments, moving much faster than should have been possible._

"_You're going to have to try harder if you expect to survive," he said through dark laughter. "Give me a reason to keep you."_

"_Keep me?" I asked, all the while wondering which fate was worse: death or imprisonment._

_He laughed again, this time a forced sound. "Victoria wants a . . . friend. I suppose you'll do."_

_I gulped, not sure what to say._

"_She likes brown hair." He held up a piece of my hair and sniffed it._

_I wondered how the hell I was going to get myself out of this._

"_And you're young enough to mold."_

_His words frightened me. Mold? Into what?_

"_Um . . . I d-don't underst-stand." I moved away as far as I could with his hands still on my arms. "Please."_

"_Please what," he scoffed._

"_Um, sir? Please, sir?"_

_He laughed, mockingly. "That's not what I meant, but I like it all the same. What are you asking for, child? Do you want to live? Do you want me to save you?"_

_I knew I didn't want to die, but I wasn't sure what his offer entailed. However, I guessed that as long as I survived, I'd be able to escape, able to get back to my mom. I would definitely leave her so she could travel with Phil. I wouldn't even begrudge trading her happiness for mine. I'd gladly do anything just to see her again. _

_With that realization, I nodded my head. "Please don't kill me."_

"_I can't guarantee that," he answered cryptically, pulling me close to him. "You have a very nice smell. Floral." With a filthy hand, he grabbed my chin and tilted my head to the side. The chill of his skin was disturbing._

_I opened my mouth to scream, but it was muffled with his hand as he leaned into my neck. I'd expected him to kiss me. I had essentially given myself to him. Instead as his mouth met the skin of my neck, a horrible, sharp pain cut through me. After that, the burn began, coursing down my neck and to the core of my body._

"Does the child have to come with us?" Victoria's childlike voice pulled me back to the present. She took every opportunity to show me what a disappointment I was. I was nothing like she had hoped. I had a conscience. And there was nothing _special_about me.

James had hoped that I would be special, like he and Victoria were. Instead, I fought their lifestyle, _and_ my change brought nothing of merit. I was a failure on all accounts.

"We can't leave her alone," James said clearly, leaving no room for argument. "Any trouble she causes will be on our heads. We don't want the—"

"Fine," Victoria huffed, cutting his words short, then shot me a dirty look. I didn't want to necessarily please her, but I would have settled for less animosity.

"I'm going with you," our other companion called out. "I'm not staying behind to _babysit_." He turned towards the direction of the sounds still streaming from a distance. "Besides it sounds like fun." Laurent usually tolerated my presence, but I was still nothing to him.

"I'd like to—" I began, their eagerness had rubbed off slightly.

"No one cares what you want, girl," Victoria snapped all the while glaring. Why she refused to use my name, I'd never know.

"She comes with us." James' decision was final. My failure to be the type of vampire he wanted clearly wore on him. However, I was his responsibility. It was either kill me or keep me. His choice was apparently made—made months ago.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. But he wasn't one to second guess himself or believe he had ever made a mistake, so here I was.

We ran through the trees, the sounds—some sort of game, I realized—growing louder with each step. James held up a disgusting, grubby finger, signifying that we should slow. We walked a few feet, and I saw that we were on the edge of an enormous clearing. There were seven vampires strewn about the large open area, playing some sort of game that I knew I should recognize.

A dark-haired man sitting in some sort of room, staring at flickering movements on a picture box of some sort flashed before my eyes. I wished I knew what that was. Unfortunately, it was like looking through a dirty window, the image was blurred and nearly impossible to make sense of. However, this game looked like a copy—albeit an extreme copy—of that one.

Then it came to me—baseball. I couldn't remember the intricacies, but the basics came back. Someone from my past had loved the game. I was certain of that fact. Though I didn't remember having much time for watching it.

James pushed me ahead and motioned to Laurent and me to enter the area first. I lowered my head, following a few feet behind Laurent, only allowing myself to see his bare feet as we entered. Behind me, James and Victoria followed.

I guessed that Laurent was playing the part of leader to meet this _other_ coven—God, how I hated that term. But surely we were nothing else—there was no way _family_ worked. That term was far too intimate, implying emotions that weren't present with my little gathering. Still that was what I desired, what I'd never have.

When we were about half way to where the _other_ vampires stood—even though I refused to look up, I could tell we were close because their scents were so strong—a gasp grabbed my attention. Before I knew what I was doing, my head shot up to the _other_ group.

I was amazed at the way they moved. It was so unlike us. They were more polished, more urbane, more . . . human. I was engrossed by these _others_. How had they remained so refined, when those I surrounded myself with were animalistic? I longed to hold on to tiny remnants like that, even as they had slipped through my fingers.

I moved closer to James, unsure of the large group before me; they were too different for comfort, so like all I knew, yet so diverse. It made me uneasy. James may not have been my choice of leaders, but he'd protect me if needed. Laurent and Victoria followed my actions, closing in on either side.

The _others_ moved into a loose line, clearly a show of strength while still seeming friendly. At first, I was amazed and intimidated at the sheer size of this coven—_seven_ vampires was unheard of. Then I noticed the color of their eyes. They appeared to be almost yellow—a strange golden color—from my distance. How was that possible?

With their eyes and postures, they could almost pass for human. Perhaps to humans, they would—their eyes were so weak. I was instantly jealous.

Why had I gotten the red eyes? I would have much preferred the yellow. That way, when I'd gathered control, I could have spent my time with humans without having to hide behind sunglasses or wear annoying contacts.

In an attempt to mimic the _others_, I straightened my posture. James must have thought this a good idea as he quickly did the same. The rest were upright a split second later.

We stood, each group sizing the other up before Laurent interrupted the tense silence. "We thought we heard a game." His slight French accent was always more prominent when he met new people. I wondered if the _others_ were aware that he wasn't the one who led the pack, that James' subservience was a pretense. "I'm Laurent. These are Victoria, James and Isabella." I fought the eye roll at his use of my full name—he refused to use my preferred nickname.

One of the _other_ males, probably their leader, answered. He introduced himself as Carlisle and then listed the names of those around him, calling them his family. He explained that he and his _family_ lived in the area and that we needed to stop hunting nearby. James seemed a little annoyed about that, but he said nothing.

Laurent mentioned that we were leaving the area anyway, so that wouldn't be a problem. He mentioned us heading north, which was a lie. James had said we were going east, not north. Carlisle and Laurent continued on with the pleasant conversation.

I was most amazed by Carlisle's mention that they had a permanent residence. How could they stay here permanently? And a _residence_? Did that mean a house, a _real_ house? I longed for a real house, a place to live without constantly looking over my back. Even more surprising was the mention that there was another group like them up near a place called Denali.

Nothing more of worth was mentioned as the others decided to join in on the game.

All throughout this conversation, I noticed that one of the _others_ seemed particularly interested in me, his gaze curious and frustrated at the same time. He was young, probably around my age at his change, and gorgeous, though they all were. I didn't know how to deal with him. Should I acknowledge him? My only experiences in this life were with hostile vampires, so I wasn't sure how to handle his attention. As a result, I did nothing but keep my head down and peek periodically.

I said I wanted to sit out when I was asked. I walked to the edge of the clearing, keeping out of the way. One of the others, a woman with rich light brown hair came and stood next to me, her expression kind and welcoming. As with the boy, I had no idea how to react. I was sure she noticed my cringe as she neared, but she didn't respond to it.

"Hello," she said, approaching closer than I liked. I was used to distance, expecting it, virtually requiring it.

I retreated a bit before speaking, intimidated by her showing of her teeth. Was it meant to be comforting?

"H-hi." My voice was quiet, barely a whisper.

The look on her face changed rapidly. Had I annoyed her? Responded improperly? Why did proper social interactions bother me?

It didn't seem that she thought I was rude, as she looked almost . . . sympathetic? I wasn't sure; it wasn't a look with which I was familiar.

"Oh, honey," she began, then moved closer to me.

I barely contained the flinch, then scooted a step away from her.

"What have they done to you?" she asked, so quietly only I'd hear.

I shook my head. "N-nothing." The lie burned more than my throat. "I'm not sure what you mean."

She lifted the corners of her mouth, not displaying her teeth this time, her eyes retaining their sadness.

It didn't help me feel comfortable.

"You're quite young, aren't you, Isabella?" she asked kindly. "I remember my early days." She laughed lightly. "Of course, I do."

"Um, please call me Bella. And I'm seventeen?" I wasn't sure what she meant.

Her eyes softened even more; I wouldn't have thought that possible. "No, I mean, how long have you been a vampire?"

"About six months," I answered, feeling inadequate. I knew being young, a newborn as they called it, was nothing to be proud of. We were undesirables. I couldn't wait for my first year to be over.

"Have you always been with the others?" She seemed genuinely interested, truly considerate, while there was still an undertone of some emotion I couldn't understand.

I nodded weakly. "J-James is my . . ." The ground had my rapt attention—I couldn't look away. "Yes." I sighed.

She breathed heavily before speaking again. "Are you familiar with vampire baseball?" Clearly she decided to change the subject. I wished I had the strength to tell this woman all I'd been through, how I yearned to leave the others. But I didn't.

Instead, I followed the polite topic of conversation. I shook my head, recognizing the word but unable to place it. "Not really. I sort of remember watching a game or two of regular baseball."

"Well, we play it differently."

The woman explained the rules of their version, her voice sweet. It lulled me into a sense of calm, especially when she noted how she usually didn't play, in order to keep the others honest.

Honest? Vampires could be honest? I wondered how that was possible.

I couldn't stop the burst of laughter when she complained that her _children_ sometimes acted like they were raised by wolves. It sounded so motherly.

Unfortunately, the game ended too quickly. I knew that once they were done, James and Victoria would pull me off back to the hell I'd been living.

Esme, the woman I'd been speaking to, looked to me unhappily. "Would you like to come to our home?"

"Um . . . uh . . . I'm . . . uh . . ."

I knew that she understood my delay in answering as her face fell even further. She looked out to the clearing, her gaze landing on the leader, then flitting to the handsome boy I'd noticed before.

His eyes tightened before he nodded and turned to Carlisle. He flashed over to the blonde man, faster than I'd ever seen another individual move—even a vampire.

"I'd like to invite you all back to our home, if you're interested," Carlisle called after a brief conversation with the boy. "We can talk comfortably there."

"I think I'll go," Laurent answered. "I'd like to learn more about the . . . possibilities."

Would I be allowed?

James didn't appear angry, but I knew he hated having his power weakened. He just wouldn't show it in front of strangers or Laurent. When his gaze feel upon me, I saw that he'd never let me leave. Conviction was clear in his eyes.

"Would you like to come, young one?" Carlisle asked, his eyes on me.

I looked to James and Victoria. His eyes narrowed, while her glee was impossible to ignore.

"Go if you want," James snarled.

Even though I knew he didn't mean it, I answered as I wanted. "Yes. I'd really like to go."

"Then we go as well." James was going to fight until the end. Why did he want me so much?

"I don't want to," Victoria whined. Her little girl's voice made me wish I could still vomit. "I want to leave this place. I've had enough. Let her go. We don't need her. We don't want—"

"Enough," bellowed James. "Go, girl. But don't come looking for me after."

Biting back the desire to tell him that I'd never willingly look for him, I sighed in relief, pleased that freedom was so close.

I heard a low growl to my right, but before I could look, James crouched, standing not ten yards on my other side. I thought he was angry with me for wanting to leave, but when I looked, his eyes were focused beyond me, to where I'd heard the rumbling sound.

A few yards away from me stood the dark red haired boy, his posture defensive, his teeth bared. Was he going to attack me? Just as it had when my human life ended, terror took over. Were the _others_ luring me to their home to kill me? How would that benefit them?

"So that's it?" James taunted, his voice cold and hard. When I looked, he was still focused on the boy, his head cocked to the side and his eyes matching his tone of voice. "That's why you want her."

"Why do you?" the boy countered. His voice was spectacular, all softness and caresses and choirs of young children. "It's clear the child's been abused."

I didn't like that. How could he consider me a child? I couldn't have been much younger than him.

"Abused? Abused? I gave her the most important gift anyone could have ever given. She owes everything to me."

Yeah, right. A gift. He'd stolen my life.

"Gift?" the boy mocked. "You've been nothing but a thief, robbing her of everything."

I was amazed at how his thoughts mirrored mine.

"He created her." Victoria was incensed that this boy could look down at _her_ James. "She'd be nothing if it wasn't for him."

The boy tutted and rolled his eyes. "Nothing."

"I'd still be human," I whispered, looking to the ground. "And home . . . happy." I mouthed the last word.

"See?" the red head countered. "See what you've done?"

Victoria snarled at me, ready to leap.

Suddenly, James pounced and the boy reacted accordingly, almost before James even moved. Sooner than I could fully understand what was happening between them, my vision was engulfed by bright orange. Victoria. She was all around, attacking me, pummeling me. I tried to scream, to fight, but was unable.

As I struggled just to hold her at bay, she was unexpectedly lifted away.

"You bitch," screamed a female voice, as beautiful as all the others, even in its fury. "He stole her life, and you defend him. He took everything from her, and you fight for him?"

I looked over to see the tall, blonde female _other_ beating Victoria around the face. As I looked, Victoria was surrounded by Esme and the last _other_ female, a tiny black haired girl. Though I wanted to watch their next move due to morbid curiosity, I couldn't. I looked across the field to see the red haired boy and Carlisle grappling with James, ready to destroy him. Not much farther, the other two males had Laurent in pieces already.

I stood stock still. Would I be next? The others had seemed so nice before, even as I looked for a chink in their façade. Now they were as brutal and animalistic as all vampires I'd seen. Was there no hope?

I closed my eyes and covered them with my hand. That didn't help. I could hear every shriek, every scream, every high-pitched keening as James and Victoria were destroyed. The sickeningly sweet stench that hung in the air clung to my nostrils as I tried to ignore it and what it meant. I cried tearlessly, knowing that I was alone with no one to protect me and no ability to fight seven others. From the way the boy had moved earlier, I wouldn't be able outrun them either. It was like being terrorized by James in the desert just before he bit me.

"It's all right," a female—the blonde—called to me, her voice soothing. "You're going to be okay."

Okay? Did that mean . . . "You're not going to . . . I mean, you're going to—"

"We won't hurt you," the little black haired girl stated. "You're going to be a part of this family. I couldn't hurt my sister."

I wanted to believe her. Had they actually freed me from James and his sadistic ways? "Sister?"

She smiled.

I wasn't even sure what that word really meant, what it entailed. I couldn't remember ever having been a sister.

"You're overwhelming her, Alice." The other blonde male, the darker haired one, sidled up to the girl.

Though I was still confused, my earlier terror had dissipated, washing away unexpectedly.

Both the man and Alice lifted the ends of their lips at me. Why did they all keep doing that?

"I don't understand," I said stupidly. "How are you all so . . . so _human_?"

Laughter surrounded me.

"Will you join us at our home?" Carlisle asked again. "It's rather a long story."

In reality, I had no other option, other than branching out on my own. And due to my own newness at this second life, I was too frightened to do that. Maybe at some point, but not now. "I'll come."

"Follow us, then." Carlisle turned his back in a gesture that was remarkably trusting and began toward the opposite edge of the clearing.

The others went after him, and I followed behind the beautiful boy, unable to take my eyes off of him as he ran. I'd known vampires to be graceful and sinewy in their movements, but each of his strides was like music. Every step was a sonata, a symphony, brought to life. I could almost hear the highs of the flutes and violins mixing with the lows of the bass and tuba in how the wind flowed through his hair and his leg muscles bunched and stretched. His steady pace was the pounding rhythm of the drums.

Suddenly, he turned to face me, his face still a mask of frustration and curiosity. Then out of nowhere, he lifted his lips like the others had before.

"Hello, Bella" he said. "I'm Edward."

Unlike with the others, I liked his welcome, feeling both comforted and welcomed. Somehow, my own body responded automatically, returning the action. "Hi."

He held out his hand to me. I grabbed it, amazed at the comparable warmth and how right it felt against my skin. I rarely touched another, except for humans right before the kill. His skin felt substantial next to mine, its temperature matching perfectly. I never wanted to let go.

The run wasn't long, a few minutes at most, but when we came upon their house, I felt like I'd traveled a million miles from the familiar. The house was much larger than I'd expected, a mansion in the middle of the forest. It really didn't fit in with the rest of its surroundings, yet like the _others_, it had a sense of rightness, so human and polished while encircled by the disorder of nature. It stood proud and tall, serenity within chaos, almost like stepping into a fairy tale.

If these _others_ could live like this, so could I. I wasn't doomed to the life of a nomad; I could be more, have more.

I released Edward's hand and walked up to the front porch steps, awed at the understated grandeur of this house.

The small black haired girl turned to me and motioned toward the door. "Welcome home."

For the first time since I'd awoken to this half life, I was hopeful.

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks so much to the people who reviewed when it was posted for The Canon Tour. I appreciate all the love and send it right back to you (okay, I've been watching too much Ellen). :D But honestly, I am so grateful to everyone.<p>

I plan on entering the next round. I'm actually quite excited for it. If only I could get the actual OS finished.


	2. Chapter 2

A|N: So I decided to continue. Thank you to everyone who read and to everyone who reviewed. I don't expect this to be long. At least, I hope it isn't.

Much love to my beta, Shasta. She was so kind to take this on… again. Thanks, dear.

I do not own any of these characters, or the original plot to the Twilight Series. Everything publicly recognizable belongs to their owners. I am doing this only for the pleasure I gain from writing and I am not associated with anyone or anything to do with the Twilight Series.

* * *

><p>As I looked into the doorway, I was more surprised by the inside of the house than I had been by the outside, if that was possible. It was so modern, in a direct contrast to the exterior, yet still so homey and cohesive. The brightness was stunning. I'd lived in the dark for so long; how was it possible that these people-vampires, like me-were like the sun? Was it possible that I could live like this? So much like humans did?<p>

Hope once again welled within me. Maybe this life wasn't the curse I'd deemed it to be. Perhaps I could settle as these people had seemed to.

"Wow!" I whispered when we walked through the door and fully into the house, unable to contain my shock. "Just _wow_!"

"Not what you expected, huh?" Alice asked as she led me into the enormous main room. She tugged my hand, but I didn't look at her, unable to drag my eyes away from my surroundings. "Where'd you think we'd live? A torture chamber?"

"I didn't know what to expect," I answered truthfully. "It's so light, so open."

"There are no piled skulls in the corners, no cobwebs," a male voice said teasingly from the other side of Alice-Edward. I'd forgotten he was there. It made me self-conscious to know that he was watching, though I wasn't sure why. Possibly it was because I didn't like being so unfiltered around him. I strained my neck to glare at him, and he laughed. "I don't think Esme would allow cobwebs. Must be disappointing."

His smirk was disarming as well as overwhelming. How was it possible for one person to be good-looking? I pushed myself to answer his question, rather than letting my thoughts travel a dangerous path.

"I haven't been in a home in ages," I explained, trying to sound unaffected. "Well, not one that was recently inhabited and in good condition. And I don't really remember my mom's place much, just a vague idea of what went where. You know, kitchen here; bedroom there."

"You haven't seen the rest of the house, yet," Alice joked. "Maybe there'll be something like you expected." She bared her teeth at me.

No, I realized with a shock. She was not baring her teeth, but _smiling_. That's was what they'd _all _been doing the entire time. How Strange. I had no basis for this. I'd only seen aggression when vampire teeth flashed; they weren't meant to be welcoming, but intimidating and a warning. Yet another tick to add in the near human column for these people.

"I guess I haven't," I replied, my voice even and emotionless. Everything I'd known as the truth was coming crashing around me. Though the prospects of a new life, similar to the one I'd had before were alluring, they were perplexing, too. How could everything I'd known since my change have been so warped?

I looked around, trying to make sense of my surroundings, to bring this world into alignment with the world I knew.

I couldn't.

The light wood floors, covered with throw rugs in shades of beige, made the cream furniture look comforting, even in its starkness. Beyond the seating area, raised slightly above the rest of the room was a piano. I'd have to ask if someone played or if it was just decoration. I had always loved the sound. Music had been important to me once upon a time. It was strange how such mundane things had begun to mean the world to me.

Everything was clearly of good quality, not the ragged stolen hand-me-downs I was used to. I assumed this coven must have had money and wondered how that was possible. The only way to get money was to steal it. It wasn't like we could hold down jobs-not without wanting to kill everyone around us. Besides, wouldn't there be a paper trail left by acquiring money legally? Wouldn't that draw attention, the exact opposite of what we wanted? I'd always been taught to lay low, stay out of the spotlight. It was the only way to keep the _leaders _from killing us.

"What about your dad's place?" Alice asked, confusing me briefly before I went over what we had been talking about.

"Oh! Um... I can't remember him much." I looked to the ground, nudging the pristine floor with my filthy toe-my shoes had worn away weeks prior. James had refused to replace them, stating that, we were "gods" who had no need for "human" things like that-he said the word with such disdain, knowing it was all I longed for.

As I looked at my foot, I felt disgusting and wondered how the rest of me looked. In no way did I belong here among this perfect family. I was a feral girl come to live with the Cleavers. Strange that I could remember the family name on an ancient show but not intimate details of my own life.

When I spoke again, my voice was muted. "My mom left my dad when I was little, and she took me with her. I know I visited a few times, but I don't really remember them."

"So you don't know where he is?"

"Not really," I answered quietly. "I have some hazy images of him... I think... but I'm not sure." My voice was distant, even in my own ears.

"Alice, stop bothering the girl," Edward said, his eyes flashing some emotion I couldn't quite understand-was it protectiveness? Compassion? Pity? How I hated pity. "She's been through enough without you pestering her."

I was pleased that he stood up for me, but his use of the term _girl _annoyed me again. I wanted to scream at him to stop treating me like a child, but I held my tongue instead, keeping my temper in check. It had always had a way of getting me in trouble, and I couldn't chance upsetting these _others_, not now that I was in their home, on their territory. I was outnumbered and they were just as fast as me-if not faster, as in Edward's case.

Alice smiled at me, this time taking care not to show her gleaming teeth. "Sorry. I get carried away."

"'S okay." I aimed for nonchalance, but got something far shy of it. "Not a big deal." Though the expression felt strange on my face, I tried to smile back. I hoped it didn't look like a grimace.

"No, really, I mean it. I know how hard it is not to remember things." She didn't elaborate, just smiled even more sweetly, squeezing my hand. "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

I snorted at her abrupt subject change. "Sure."

"I'll leave you to it," Edward said, racing toward the staircase.

"And this-" Alice held out the second word like an announcer waiting for a drum roll-_and the award goes to_... The door swung open to display an opulent, if not overly perfect room, decked out in earth tones, subtle variations of greens and terracotta. Though the colors were not necessarily feminine, their placement and design screamed that they belonged to a woman. "_This_is my room."

"It's very nice," I said conventionally.

"So now you've pretty much seen the whole house." She looked to the ceiling. "Well, all but the kitchen-not like you'd use that anyway- and the third floor. But that's just Edward's room, and some other stuff."

"He gets a whole floor to himself?" What was so special about him, other than the fact that he was probably the best looking out of all of them, or at the very least a tie with the fierce blonde. She was as intimidating as she was beautiful; so was he. I hadn't seen the blonde since she'd run off with the big guy when we'd first gotten back to the house, but in our brief encounter, I knew not to anger her.

"He likes to be alone."

"He likes to be separated from you guys?" Maybe they weren't as perfect as I thought. Maybe they were just as distanced from each other as my previous coven. That thought helped me feel a _little _at ease. Otherwise, I would have thought I'd slipped into another dimension. Also, I couldn't be as perfect as these people seemed to be, so there would be no way for me to fit in, no niche to find. I would have to wander forever.

"Privacy," Alice said, shrugging. "He's the only single one." She said the words like an aside, in a stage whisper. Surely he'd hear that.

I wondered if that really was the _real_reason. Could it be possible that their kindness was just a facade? Were they just together out of convenience, like it had been with me and James?

Even though my time with James and Victoria and later on, Laurent had been less than stellar, I strangely mourned their loss-they were all I knew of this life-and wondered what had set the _others_off so quickly back at the field. We went from a tense game of baseball to an all out battle. It had been confusing and disturbing watching these civilized vampires become as bloodthirsty and wild as any other. So it was there, just hiding under the surface. What else were they hiding? Would I set them off like my coven mates had? I hoped whatever the catalyst back at the field, I could refrain from doing something similar and meeting the same fate.

There _must have _been more to the exchange than I had seen. But what? I couldn't be sure.

I reran the scene in my mind but came up with nothing more. I was clearly missing information and would have to watch these _others_more closely to understand them. Obviously, I wasn't in on some secret.

"So..." Alice turned to me and smiled, then held up a lock of my grimy, limp hair. "I'm sure you want to get cleaned up."

"Do I ever." I couldn't remember ever having been excited to bathe. I let my suspicions of the _others_ dwindle for the moment. There were more important things at the moment... and cleanliness _was _next to godliness.

"Shower?" she asked almost to herself. "Bath?"

"Definitely shower," I answered, even if I wasn't sure I was supposed to-she had appeared to be speaking to herself. However, I didn't want to lay in a pool of filth. I'd done that long enough.

Alice walked me through her room to a door towards the back wall. "The bathroom's through here. You'll find everything you need there-and even some stuff you don't. Feel free to look through the cabinet for everything; it's yours for the taking. There are towels and shampoo and soap. Whatever you need."

I was a little overwhelmed, feeling almost like orphan Annie as she stepped into the Warbucks' estate. "Wow!" I muttered. _I think I'm gonna like it here. If all is as it seems, at least._

Alice laughed. "You'll get used to it. You might be most interested in the stuff on the bottom shelf, right hand side of the vanity."

Just then she stared at the wall for a second.

_Odd behavior._

I stood by, wondering if I should just go into the bathroom or wait for her response. As if nothing strange had happened, she turned to me. "You have seen yourself. Recently, I mean. You know, since everything?" She motioned to my body.

I shook my head. "No." What a weird question to ask.

"Really?" She seemed amazed, her eyebrows raised. "How'd you do that?"

"I didn't look in mirrors or water... I kind of avoid all things reflective."

She laughed. "Well, you're going to have to get over that... and soon. My bathroom is covered in mirrors. It's not like you're not pretty-_gorgeous_even."

I rolled my eyes. I knew we were attractive; it was the best way to lure our prey. "That's not why-"

"Well, anyway," she cut me off. "You may be in for a shock with your eyes. You do know about them, right?"

I shrugged. "I'm sure they're red. Just like with the James and the rest." I would miss my brown, even though I had found them boring when I had them. I had a fairly clear memory of staring into a mirror wishing for a different color, any color. What a stupid thing to ask for. Red was definitely more desirable. But if I could have eyes like theirs, so much closer to my real color. "How do you get yours so golden? I can tell they're not contacts."

She nodded. "First things first. Yes, you're eyes are red... and no, not quite like the rest of them. You're young."

Was that an explanation? "So?"

"So they are red, but they're a _tad _brighter than James' eyes-or those of the other two, for that matter." She looked to the bathroom door. "Not as bright as they would have been at first, but still quite vibrant."

I didn't like the way she emphasized tad, like it was more than just that. "Brighter?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "Your blood still lingers in your tissues."

"What's that mean?" I hadn't really been given much information on this life. Perhaps I wasn't worth the time it would take to explain anything. Or maybe it was a way of keeping me under thumb. I'd never know the real reason, and I didn't really care. All that mattered was that I was uninformed.

"You know that's why the others had red eyes... why we don't."

"What? I don't understand."

"Our eyes are a different color because of our diet."

"Your diet? What do you mean? You don't... you don't drink blood?" My words were nearly silent at the end. Was there the chance I could do that, too?

"No," she laughed, amused at my stupidity. "Of course we do. We are _vampires_after all."

"Oh." My hopes that had swelled so recently plummeted to ground level, then below. I was destined to kill, to destroy lives, mothers, fathers, children, lovers. The toll would be endless, unless I was ended.

"But we don't kill humans," she quickly tacked on.

"What?" I asked amazed. "You feed and don't kill?" I couldn't see how that could happen. We were uncontrollable, insatiable when feeding.

"No. We do kill" –she sounded regretful—"just not humans." Alice reached forward and opened the door. "There's much to discuss, but let's get you cleaned up first. Then you can officially meet the rest of the family in the dining room."

"Dining room?" Why would they have one of _those_?

She laughed. "Silly, isn't it?" Her hands ushered me into the room. "But it helps keep up the human front. And well, resale value would suck without it." She closed the door behind me, her tinkling laugh growing more quiet. "Enjoy."

I stood, just barely in the bathroom, unable to take a step forward. She hadn't been kidding when she stated there were mirrors everywhere. One more step and I wouldn't be able to avoid myself, something I'd done so well.

I dithered, knowing that I couldn't take too long, but not wanting to take that final step. Unfortunately, my mind was made up for me. The _others_were waiting for me, and I couldn't show up down there as filthy as I was when I walked through the door.

After a deep breath-though there was not pulse to calm- I stepped forward into the view of the mirrors. The girl-no, woman—I saw shocked me. She was filthy as was expected, but she was beautiful, as beautiful as the women who lived in this house-apart from the blonde, of course. Her hair was long and thick, her skin pale and luminescent even through the dirt. Her eyes were a bright red, brighter than any I had seen before. It upset me to see that, but I pushed on. I could break down later.

There was just one flaw to this woman-besides the eyes. _She_ wasn't me. I couldn't see me anywhere. She was too perfect, too sculpted. I was plain, boring, soft even, while being thin. Apparently, _I_had been lost in the transformation, gone... completely.

Holding back the sobs, I raced to the vanity Alice had mentioned and grabbed the first things I could find. I turned the water on, blasting the hot even though it wasn't necessary. I hadn't experienced anything hot since I had awoken, so it would be something pleasant in this living nightmare. Once I stepped into the stream of the shower, I methodically followed the pattern of cleansing myself.

With the dirt, I washed away the last bits of my human self. I couldn't go back; that had been made painfully clear by the vision in the mirror. The best I could do was try to make something of my ruined self now. After a few moments, I sat on the shower floor and sobbed a little. The water running down my cheeks almost felt like tears. I imagined they were, allowing myself to feel a release I hadn't felt in ages. However pseudo it may have been, it was cathartic in ways I hadn't imagined.

After my sobs had ended, I thought about Alice's words. They killed, but not humans. Since she had _specified _humans, that had to be the key. So, the only other alternative was animals, perhaps forest animals, like deer and rabbits. I pictured the big burly guy lunging for a tiny hopping bunny or even a scampering chipmunk. That image almost made me laugh. Almost. In reality, there was nothing funny about my situation. I was truly and utterly lost.

If I could learn to drink from animals, could I at least find some semblance of my prior self? Or was I doomed to be something I loathed? To learn, I would have to rely on these people. Could I put my trust in yet another group? What if they weren't as straightforward as they seemed? It _was _impossible for them to be so flawless.

In the end, I wasn't sure I could allow myself to trust anyone. I'd been the only one I could rely on for so long.

After my shower, I dried off and walked back into Alice's room. On the bed lay a set of clothes. They were a bit fancier than what I was used to and much more revealing than I would have liked. But I dressed myself in them rather than fretting over how they would look. What did it matter? They would cover what was necessary for modesty, and that was all that was required.

The pants were a little long, so I had to roll up the legs a few times. The top was tight and low cut and bright red. I wouldn't normally draw attention to myself with something like this, but I didn't care at this point. It too was also long, so maybe it wouldn't be so low cut on its owner. I walked out of the room, refusing to check myself out in the mirror. I'd already had enough horror for one day; my limit had been reached.

I could hear the _others_talking downstairs, their voices murmuring into a steady rush of air. Clearly, they were talking about things they didn't want me hearing. As I reached the landing of the second floor, the voices abruptly stopped.

"Alice, why don't you lead Bella here," a male voice, Carlisle, the leader's voice, said.

Quick, light footsteps approached, racing up the stairs. Unfortunately, instinct once again overrode rational thought and my body locked down, in preparation of a fight. I had learned my best chance at survival was submission, so I eased my stance and cowered back in the hallway corner.

"Alice." A male said her name low and like a curse just as her tiny figure appeared around the corner.

"Bella," she called. "I won't hurt you. You know that."

I didn't really, but I played along. I wouldn't fully trust these people until they gave me complete cause to, if I ever could, but they could be kept in the dark from that fact. I stood and began walking over to her. "I know. I can't help it."

She laughed. "I understand. That'll calm down as you get older." She grabbed my hand when I met her and began yanking me down the stairs. "Come on, everyone's in the dining room."

I reluctantly allowed her to pull me toward the dining room, unsure what my fate was to be. As soon as I could see through the door, I was greeted by seven somewhat amiable faces-but I knew to be wary. Besides, their demeanors were too friendly, too perfect. A flash of Bette Midler with blonde hair passed before my eyes. Were they the Stepford Vampires?

"Please sit." Carlisle gestured to the empty seat between him and Edward when I stepped through the doorway.

Alice dropped my arm, and I balked slightly, unsure if I felt safe. I was surrounded here, in an enclosed space. At least everywhere else, I had only been with a few of them, or I had an easy enough escape-windows, doors, the forest. In that seat, I was almost... trapped.

"I think I'll stand," I responded, trying not to sound rude, though I was sure my crossed arms and step back into the doorway did the opposite.

Carlisle smiled sadly, while Alice shook her head and made her way to the other empty chair. "I understand," he said. "You can stand there, if you like, but if you feel like joining us, the offer stands. I assure you that there is no danger."

"Okay." My voice still sounded doubtful, to match my feelings. I looked around the table. Strangely, I saw pity in all of their eyes. Again, petulance flashed. I didn't like them feeling sorry for me. "I'm fine."

The blonde woman snorted quietly.

"I am," I protested, anger welling, barely able to stop myself from stomping my foot.

She eyed me dolefully.

"_What_is your-"

"How can you be after what _they did-_" Her beautiful voice growled at the mention of my former coven.

"Rosalie," Carlisle interrupted. "That's enough. Bella has dealt with many difficulties. Let's not make it harder for her."

"But-"

"I understand how you feel, especially given your history." Carlisle once again wouldn't allow her to finish. "But Bella needs to come to her own conclusions." His word were said softly, but there was an air of certainty, of authority that showed that there was no more room for argument-the leader finally making his strength apparent.

I was surprised he didn't resort to violence or humiliating her. That had always been James' M.O., to knock his opponent to the ground and then kick them while they were down. I didn't quite understand _this _dynamic, how Carlisle kept his leadership while still showing the _others _respect. Wasn't that the opposite of what was needed from a vampire coven? Wouldn't this weakness allow for another member to usurp him?

That didn't seem to be the case, as Rosalie sat all prim, her eyes resigned as she looked at me. "Sorry. Sometimes, I forget others might not see things as I do."

"That's okay." My eyebrows were pulled together when I turned my attention back to Carlisle, but I quickly smoothed them out. Blank expressions were the best way to survive. It was too bad that I hadn't quite mastered that skill.

"Now, Bella," Carlisle began. "I'm sure you have some questions."

I nodded. It felt like someone was burning a hole in my cheek, and I turned slightly toward the table and saw Edward staring at me intently, a look of almost frustration in his eyes, though he tried to hide it. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, exasperated at how strange he was, and turned back to Carlisle. "Lots."

"Ask away," the brawny guy said. I hadn't paid much attention to him before, other than to admire his size. Now I noticed how kind his eyes were and that he and the beautiful blonde were so intertwined that it was almost indecent. In fact, not only were those two taking up the same space, but so were Alice and the blonde guy, obviously the couples. This must be difficult for Edward, being the odd guy out and everything.

"We have nothing but answers," the giant finished.

I kind of liked the big guy, so I smiled at him, getting a prize-winning grin back. It helped me feel more at ease as I started my questioning. "Um... how can you guys live like this?" I asked, gesturing to the walls. "How do you not kill everyone who comes near? I mean, I've guessed the eye thing, but the will power it must take? How's that work?" I winced internally at my lack of filter.

The big guy chuckled and then pulled away slightly from the beautiful, but scary, girl—Rosalie. Had she elbowed him or something?

I looked to Rosalie, an indulgent smile played upon her lips. Did she see me as a child, just like Edward did? And why did his seeing me that way bother me more? Maybe it was just because he was a guy, and guys had never been interested in me-not even now when I was beautiful.

"Let's start at the beginning," Carlisle said. "I was born into this life a few hundred years ago-"

"Wait, what?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "How's that possible? You're like, what, twenty-five, at most?"

They all looked at each other, their eyes wide in surprise. What had I said? Clearly, it was yet another part of this life that I didn't know, that James didn't tell.

Carlisle sighed. "Evidently there are more aspects that need to be discussed." He looked at the _others_, then back at me. "Perhaps this would be better without other ears around." He nodded toward the table. "Would you be more comfortable alone?"

_Would I? _"Um... I th-think so."

I looked to the table. Terror coursed through me. What revelations were coming my way?

"Fine," Carlisle agreed. "We will meet in my office."

"I'll show her the way," Edward said, looking at the table.

Did I want him tagging along? I was terrified of what I was going to learn, and it might be nice to have someone to lean on, but I might have chosen Alice or Esme over him-even Rosalie might have been preferable, though she scared the hell out of me. But they hadn't offered.

"Yes," Carlisle said. "You can go up there now. We'll discuss our next move, and I will meet you up there in a few minutes."

"Okay," I said, backing up into the living room.

"Follow me," Edward said once he passed me. "We're going to the second floor."

"I remember." If my short tone annoyed him, he never let me know.

"Nice weather we're having?" he said as a question when we reached the second floor landing.

"Small talk?" I asked through a hard laugh. "Really?"

He laughed nervously. "Yes, really."

"I guess," I answered. "Not like it matters much. Cold, wet, hot, what's the difference?"

He sighed and turned to me. "True. Though with hot usually comes the sun at least. You don't get that much here."

"The sun," I said wistfully. "I haven't been out in the sun, let alone seen it, in ages. James wouldn't let me."

"Wouldn't let you?" he scoffed, ushering me through a wooden door. I hadn't noticed we had already arrived. "How? I'm sure you were stronger than him, faster... "

I walked into a large room, filled with books on most walls and paintings on the other. It looked almost like a miniature library and art gallery combined. Though it was stunning, it was not stiff or stodgy as might have been assumed. Upon looking at it, I would have expected the air to be musty or dusty, but not a spec was seen. Again, the thought that things were too ideal came to the forefront. What was I getting myself into? Was this going to be just as bad as with James, the other extreme?

"Why didn't you just run?" Edward's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"Run?" I asked, standing and staring at him. "That wasn't going to happen. Sure, I thought about it-daydreamed is more like it-but James said he'd find me wherever I went. He was _really _good at finding things. I saw that firsthand. He and Victoria liked to make games of it. Besides, as you see, I didn't know all the rules-still don't, I guess- and I had the _leaders _to worry about. James told me that it'd be one misstep and they'd know." I began moving again. "He said that they'd kill me if they found out." Maybe it would have been better that way. Less lives lost.

"Don't think like that," he said. "It _will _get better."

I stopped walking again, wondering how he knew what I'd been thinking. Was he one of the _special_ ones? Could he _hear _me?

He laughed. "Your face; it's really quite expressive."

"I remember being called an open book, but not by whom," I said, relieved that he really couldn't hear my thoughts. They'd been so chaotic recently, unable to settle for long as my emotions ruled my reason. "So you're not a mind reader, then."

"I never said that." He quirked one side of his mouth, then quickly changed the subject. "James never explained anything?"

"He told me enough," I hedged, annoyed again at his assumption. Though, in truth, James had only told me what I was, what I drank, to stay away from people and not expose myself. I knew nothing else with certainty before I'd met these people. "Enough to get by without getting into too much trouble as long..." as long as I relied on them. I left the last words off, afraid they would confirm his apparent assumption that I was an ignorant child.

"You could have run," he said with assurance, once again annoying me. What did he know? "James wouldn't have been able to track _you_."

"How can you be so sure?" I didn't hide my disdain.

"I just am." Was he always this smug, or was it reserved for new people? _Stupid, arrogant vampire_.

"Well, now that we've got that all cleared up." Sarcasm marred my voice, and I decided that it was my turn to change the subject before I trod into treacherous territory. I still didn't know what would set off these people; it was best not to rock the boat. "What can you tell me that I don't already know?"

As I asked, I realized that I wasn't really angry with the gorgeous boy before me, though he did seem interminably arrogant. Really, I just didn't like thinking about the fact that I had been timid and weak, but regardless of my contempt, I obviously had been.

Before Edward could answer, the door opened from behind us and a voice steadily said, "I'll take that question."

* * *

><p>End Notes:<p>

Thank for reading.

For those of you who read Lost Cause, I should have the next chapter up soon. I'm having trouble ending it; it's been fighting, but I think I've wrestled it into submission.

I also have two entries in The Canon Tour's New Moon round. AND I hope to have an entry ready for the TrulyAnonContest. I've been a busy little beaver. Anyway, if you have the time, go over to read some of those entries… and enjoy.

Love…love…love you all. MWAH!


	3. Chapter 3

A|N – Not much to say. Just thanks for reading.

Much love to my beta, Shasta. She was so kind to take this on… again. Thanks, dear.

I do not own any of these characters, or the original plot to the Twilight Series. Everything publicly recognizable belongs to their owners. I am doing this only for the pleasure I gain from writing and I am not associated with anyone or anything to do with the Twilight Series.

Edward didn't even flinch, his eyes never leaving mine. In my distraction, I hadn't noticed footsteps approaching, but he hadn't been preoccupied at all; he had kept _his_ wits about him.

_Not good._

I would really need to pay more attention to my surroundings. If these people weren't what they seemed—and I was sure they weren't; how could they be?—I would have to be on my toes and ready for a quick escape. I could _not_ allow myself to become too comfortable. I needed to keep my eyes open.

So as not to seem too surprised, I nodded at Carlisle and shot a pointed glance at Edward. I wasn't sure I wanted him in the same room for this conversation. There were bound to be some difficult revelations, and I wanted as few witnesses as possible.

I turned around in my seat to face Carlisle as he glided past the area where I was seated. My breathing—however unnecessary—became unsteady while I watched him walk to his chair on the other side of an antique desk. His pace was unnerving. Why would he act like a human even in his own home? Did they always move so slowly or was it a vain attempt to make me feel comfortable? If the latter, it wasn't working.

Inhaling deeply and unnecessarily, I grasped my chair's arms and held as tightly as possible, taking care not to break them. They appeared to be antique wood. Carlisle probably wouldn't be happy if I damaged it.

"Okay, I'm ready," I blurted, feeling anything but.

Carlisle laughed quietly, then turned his gaze to Edward , who nodded almost imperceptibly. "Do you feel comfortable with Edward here, or would you rather just you and me?" Carlisle asked.

I looked next to me. Edward sat with his expression open, almost imploring. Why did he care? What concern could he have? It wasn't like I was anyone to him. He didn't know me from Eve. Maybe he was just _that_ nosy?

He lifted his eyebrows in response to my narrowed eyes, and I couldn't tell whether his expression was meant to be challenging or questioning.

"Um… I'm not sure—I mean, I think that… I'd rather…" I prattled, hating the uncertainty in my voice. I was too nervous to ask why he wanted to stay. That tempered my curiosity. And though a tiny confused part of me wanted nothing more than the answers I sought about this life, I knew that having _one_ stranger view my reactions was more than enough. I didn't need a larger audience.

"If you feel uncomfortable…" Edward began.

"Kinda."

Edward looked to my hands. I'd inadvertently been fidgeting with my fingers. He shook his head and lightly laughed through his nose. "For a newborn, you're strangely human," he mused. "I'll go."

His easy surrender bothered me, turning the tables and making me wonder why _I_ cared so much.

True, I was confused by his interest, but I was also strangely calmed by it. This feeling worried me. I shouldn't care; I didn't need to grow attached to these people without fully understanding them. I needed to remain disconnected. The never-ending emotional roller coaster that started the night I met James left me feeling drained. To trust or not to trust, that was most important question, and I'd always been to be too gullible.

I decided to allow _some_ faith, but not to let my guard down completely. I wasn't sure I'd _ever_ be able to do that again. I always lost too much.

"I'll… uh, I'll see you later," Edward said, rising from his chair, his face a mask of dejection.

What a guilt trip! In that moment, I just wanted to avoid kicking the boy out in his home. Yet, I stopped myself from asking him to stay out of remorse. I really needed to do this alone.

I watched him leave, his sinuous movements mesmerizing as he trod across the floor and closed the door behind him.

Carlisle cleared his throat, a sound that threw me at first. It wasn't like we ever needed to worry about such mundane things like that. I turned to him, tearing my eyes from the wooden door and quickly ascertaining that the sound wasn't out of necessity—why would it be?—but purposely done to unobtrusively garner my attention. If I could have blushed, my face would have been beet red at that moment. How embarrassing to have been caught ogling his son.

Plastering on a fake smile, I adopted an air of platitude.

"Shall we begin?" Carlisle asked, a note of humor in his voice. He couldn't keep the smile out, even if his mouth wasn't upturned.

I nodded, afraid my voice would give away my mortification.

"Would like to ask specific questions, or do you just want me to give a brief explanation and history."

I nodded once again, this time gesturing toward him with a flick of my index finger.

He began without mention of my rude behavior. "Well, there seems to be much you don't know. Our kind—that is to say, vampires—don't follow the traditional beliefs that Hollywood and books portray, which I'm sure you're aware."

"We don't burn up in sunlight, or get hurt by wooden stakes, or—" a vision of me, that strange creature in the mirror, passed before my eyes—"well, we can see our reflections."

"Yes, those are all myths that were passed through generation to generation to make humans feel more competent when faced with one of us."

"Okay… from your beginning, I assume there are _certain_ parts that are going to hold true," I prodded.

"That _is_ correct," he answered, stressing the sentence strangely. "You know that the most important myth, our diet, holds true."

"Yes," I sighed, unhappy to talk about the darker side of our nature. "But you seem to have found a way around harming humans."

"We have," Carlisle agreed. "The occasional accident is a regrettable part of our nature, but we strive daily to preserve human life."

"Accident?" I asked. "So you've all had accidents?" I didn't know why this tidbit seemed important. Maybe I didn't want to feel like I was the only guilty party. It helped alleviate the burden I carried.

"Mostly." He nodded. "But that's not my story to tell. Most of us have had quite a different upbringing than you. But I assure you, there is no judgment here, only help, if you choose to follow our lifestyle."

"Okay." _Yeah, no judgment_.

I seriously disagreed with that. How could they not? I was so sullied and they were so pure, especially Edward… and Alice. I couldn't imagine that anyone with such an angelic a face could have done anything wrong—particularly murder. The only one I could see _that_ possible with was the scarred one—he was terrifying. There was no other way he had become so littered with bites.

"Back to the matter at hand: your history lesson."

I smiled. "Back to school. " I rolled my eyes, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere. "I thought I was done with that."

He chuckled quietly. "Yes, well that's up to you. Your future is your decision." He smiled kindly. "Another tangent to be discussed later."

"Um-hm."

"As my wife has informed me, James found you around six months ago, yes?"

"Yes," I agreed. "Right after my birthday."

"How old are you?" he asked, clearly alluding to my actual age.

"Seventeen."

He winced slightly. "So young and with a bright future. I hope you don't find this life as much of a burden as others I know who were about the same age."

"It is what it is. I'm stuck with it."

"Unfortunately, yes." He rose from his chair and began walking around mine to the seat Edward had vacated. "But this life isn't all bad. There are many positive aspects"

I snorted. "Yeah."

He sat beside me and grasped my hand. I heard a huff from the floor above.

Carlisle's mouth twitched involuntarily. "Now onto another revelation." He paused. "You seemed surprised when I told you my age."

"Uh, yeah." He squeezed my hand gently. "I mean, that's not even possible. No one is _that_ old."

"I am," he assured. "And there are others much older than me."

"But… but how?"

"We don't age." He placed his other hand on top of the one he already held. "We are frozen at the state we were when changed."

"No," I answered my voice hollow. "_That's_ true? Of everything, that had to be true?"

"It is, I'm afraid."

"So I'm always going to be seventeen?" I wondered if he could hear the fear in my voice. Eternal youth sounded great and would have been, had I been a little older. "I'm always going to look like _this_." Disgust colored my words as I pointed to myself. "You got my hopes up that I might be able to go out and be a part of society. How's that going to work if I always look like a kid?" I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms, pouting—very much resembling a two-year-old.

"There are benefits—"

"Screw your benefits," I snarled. "I want my life. I was supposed to grow up, get a job doing something I loved, have a career. Possibly find a nice guy—after I was well established—and not think about getting married until I was thirty." I curled in on myself. "That's gone. He took everything."

Carlisle reached out his hand to me again.

I retreated as much as possible and hissed. His stricken look would have normally bothered me, but at that moment I didn't care. I hid my face in my arms, willing for sleep that would never come.

"Would you like to go on?" he asked quietly after a few minutes of silence.

"There's more?" I peeked over my arm to see him much in the same pose as he had been prior.

"There's more."

"What?" My curiosity won over my despair.

"As we are frozen… so are our human bodily functions."

I nodded and shrugged. "So I don't need to pee anymore. That's not a surprise, and frankly, one thing I can live without."

"There are also other functions that are impossible as we cannot change physically."

I wasn't sure what he meant. Was he talking about… Was I? "So I'm always going to be a virgin," I exclaimed, without thinking, then covered my mouth with my hands, shaking my head at my idiocy. Where on earth had that come from?

Besides the embarrassment of my disclosure, I was also a little angry. I wasn't going to be looking for another of my kind to sleep with, and it wasn't like I could get that close to a human boy. However, I still would have liked the option.

"I assure you," Carlisle paused bending his head to gain eye contact. "A healthy sex life is completely possible for our kind."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

He laughed silently. "There are others… those who share our dietary restrictions." He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "They have been comfortable enough with this lifestyle—comfortable enough with humans— for that kind of relationship."

"Wait! They do _that_… with humans? How is that even possible?"

"It's completely possible." He smiled. "We are not all that different from humans in that respect."

"Oh, um… okay." I was glad my cheeks weren't able to blaze red. "Good to know."

"We have gone on another tangent. However, it is a good segue into what I was so poorly describing." He smiled kindly. "A positive is that you won't need to worry about unwanted outcomes from sexual encounters."

"No Vamp STDs?"

He chuckled. "I'm afraid not."

"That's good." I shrugged. "Nice not to worry about that."

"Yes," he agreed. "But that's not the only possible unwanted outcome of an affair, is it?"

I wracked my brain trying to understand what he was hinting at. Finally it came to me. "No babies?"

He shook his head. "No, that's not possible. We can't procreate... at least not in that manner."

"Oh, okay." I forced a smile at him. "It's sad that the choice was taken from me, but I've never really wanted kids."

He blinked rapidly, confusion coloring his handsome face. "Well, I must say, that was unexpected."

"I guess it doesn't bother me as much. I never saw myself as the mothering type." I shrugged, looking to the ground. "So it's sad… but I can't really mourn something I never wanted. Perhaps that's how I should look at everything."

"It is expected that this will be difficult," he explained. "It's an enormous transition. Though none of us have been in your exact situation, we all understand. We've all lost something."

"Were you torn from a perfectly normal, perfectly happy life?"

His eyes took on a contemplative light. "Yes, actually." He reached out and rested his hand on my knee.

I heard that same sound of derision from above.

"My life wasn't easy," Carlisle began, shaking his head slightly. "My father was a hard man, one of the few who still believed in monsters in a time when those thoughts were beginning to be considered archaic. He lost my mother in childbirth… me."

"That wasn't your fault."

"I know," he agreed. "But I'm not sure my father was able to get past the fact that he was left alone, to care for an infant. As I grew, I did all I could to please him, but it never seemed enough. He was strict, a devoted clergyman, and when he was unable to carry on his cause, I continued for him."

"That sounds like it was difficult for you."

He smiled ruefully. "It was long ago. Dwelling in the past, especially with anger or sorrow, helps no one."

"I guess not," I agreed.

"It was one night, when I had actually found a group of the monsters he so vehemently believed in, that my human life came to an end."

"So it was unexpected."

"Completely."

"Oh."

"Do you have any other questions so far?"

I wasn't sure where to go from there, so I asked the first question to come to mind. "How old were you?"

"Around twenty-three."

So I'd guessed his apparent age right. Now came the million dollar question. "When did this happen?"

"Around the mid 1680s."

I gasped. "That long ago…" My words were quiet. Then a rogue thought hit me. "And you weren't married?"

He let out a gust of air in laugh that was echoed somewhere within the house. "No, I hadn't been. Not at that time."

"Hmmm."

"Is there anything else you're curious about?"

"What about the others?" I asked, truly interested now. He was so old. What had he seen? What about the others? "How old is everyone else?" Was I that much younger than them?

"It really isn't my place to answer for anyone else," he began. "However, I will tell you that I found Edward first, then soon after, Esme. Last came Rosalie and Emmett."

"What about Alice and Jasper?"

"They found us," he said through a smile.

"And they've all adapted."

"They have." He looked me in the eye. "Our path isn't easy, but it's right for us… and it does get easier with time."

"Easier?" I asked, intrigued. "Did it take everyone over three hundred years?" Even with eternity stretching before me, I could imagine suffering from this kind of thirst for that long.

"The first year is the most difficult for a new vampire," he explained with a laugh.

"Really?" There was hope? A year. I could handle a year. I was already half way there.

He nodded. "Yes."

"And after?"

"After, it is never without effort. However, we can assimilate into human society."

"Like what?" I asked. "Living on the fringe?"

"Not entirely," he hedged. "I work among humans. Most of the others attend school."

"School? So I could finish high school at some point?"

"Of course."

Although I'd only joked about going back to school before, I found myself hopeful again. I'd always enjoyed education—well, all but Math—and to know that I could finish, that seemed almost more than I could have asked for. "What do you do?"

"I work at the local hospital."

"Doing what?"

He laughed lightly. "I'm a doctor, a surgeon to be more exact."

"Wait!" I exclaimed. "Like a _real_ doctor? A doctor for _humans_?" My disbelief was clear.

"The very same." His eyes were alight with humor.

"Wow!" I breathed in awe. "How do you do _that_? I mean, a _surgeon_, with all the blood? Are you, like, immune to it or something?"

"I'm not immune to blood, but I've worked on my tolerance." He rubbed his face. "It has taken a bit of time. But I've found that the benefits far outweigh the effort."

I didn't really understand, but I nodded. "I could only hope to be a little like that."

"It's not a great feat," he explained. "Anyone with the will can do it. Mind over matter."

I thought for a moment, debating my options.

Was this what I wanted? Yes. I needed a somewhat normal life.

Could I stick to it? I wasn't sure. But it was worth a try.

I could have the will. I was stubborn when I wanted to be.

"Can you teach me?" I muttered, staring at the floor. I hated showing weakness. "I want to try."

His responding smile lit up the room. "Of course. We'd _all_ be glad to."

I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole "we" part of this. It was wonderful to have help on such a huge undertaking. However, I wondered about having spectators through this ordeal. I knew that, in the heat of the moment, I would not mind that I was being watched. When the instinct took over, I wouldn't care about much else, other than satiating myself.

Afterward, on the other hand, my more human senses would return. How would I feel if I made a complete ass out of myself? How uncomfortable would it be living with these people? What if I couldn't survive like they did? What if I slipped up... or worse just walked away? What would they think of me?

In that moment, I realized that I was hinging my future on them, on people I didn't even know. Was that a smart move? I had done the same for James and Victoria; that hadn't proved to be too intelligent. Like when my new life began, I was on the verge of a precipice, unsure of my future, yet only truly having one option: to follow and hope for a semblance of a life.

I wanted the carrot dangling before me, the opportunity of normalcy, the possibility of feeding without taking human life. I had no other choice.

Carlisle seemed oblivious to my inner turmoil, though I figured he was just being kind. After a few moments, he spoke again. "When do you think you would like to begin?"

It had been a few days since I'd fed, and my throat burned uncontrollably. I placed my hand on the column of my throat, wishing I could quell the flames that were beginning to rage. "Now?"

"I would like to have a few of the others accompany you," he started. "How would feel about that?"

"Um…" I would need someone to go with me, at least one person. Perhaps more would be better. "I guess that's okay. I'm kind of nervous."

He smiled. "I understand. I think that Alice, Edward, and Jasper might be best."

I felt comfortable with Alice, but I wasn't certain about the two others. Jasper frightened me. I just looked at him, and my mind screamed dangerous. Bizarrely though, I was more worried about going out with Edward. I really wanted to impress him.

And that thought terrified me.

End Notes

Thanks for reading. Thanks for the reviews. I am so grateful that people take the time to write down their thoughts. I truly appreciate them all. :D

Ok, so… sorry for the delay. I actually had this written a while ago but due to my own idiocy, my beta only received it last week. Yeah, I had thought I sent it months prior. I'm an idiot.

Much Luv to you all.


End file.
